《跨文化交际学概论》第七章 社会交往 五、宴请招待p132

Case One: Setting Rules for a Guest – American Hospitality

案例：

When Zhang Tao traveled in America, he lived in the home of his American friend, Bill. Once after he had traveled back, he found Bill was in a bad mood. When he asked what the problem was, Bill told Zhang Tao that his son Adam got furious about the noise Zhang made when walking upstairs and also because he was using too much water in the solar powered shower and Adam had to have his shower in cold water. Bill told Zhang Tao that he should walk more softly in future, and have a fast shower to save water. Zhang Tao felt uneasy. How could the host set such rules for his guest!

Question: Why did Zhang Tao feel uneasy?

分析：

1) In China, when people host someone, they put the guest in the place of honor to show hospitality. They try to take care of the guest，and try to make the guest feel comfortable and at ease.

2) In America, people tend to give the guest great freedom and treat a guest more casually, naturally and truthfully.

3) Zhang Tao knew he was a guest, and thought in terms of Chinese expectations of hospitality. He thought Bill should treat him courteously instead of setting rules for him.

4) Since Zhang Tao lived in American surroundings, he should have known about the customs there sooner.

Case Two:

案例：

Lin had traveled 20 hours from Beijing to New York. He needed a good meal. His American friend, Mike, met him. But Mike only offered him a plate of roasted chicken and a glass of orange juice. Lin was used to having a main course, and asked Mike if he had any rice. Mike said he only had fried noodles, and Lin had to make do with it. Though Lin knew Americans didn’t care very much about what food they ate, he still felt surprised because he had taken Mike to the most famous duck restaurant in Beijing -- Quanjude -- when he arrived in Beijing.

Question: Why did Lin feel surprised? Offer some advice to him about adjusting to his new environment in America.

分析：

1) 0n the topic of hospitality, the Chinese stress on warmth and demonstrating friendship. They take the guest to a famous or luxurious restaurant to have a very good (expensive) meal to show their hospitality. And the Chinese are used to having a big meal. The more dishes they put out，the greater the warmth and friendship they show.

2) In western countries, people stress on freedom. They give the guest great freedom to choose their own foods. And westerners tend to have only one main course and some juice or dessert，which is viewed as casual in the eyes of the Chinese.

3) Lin lived in American surroundings and should have adjusted himself quickly to the new world (lifestyle). He should have known the custom there first, and felt more at ease in Mike’s home.

Case Three: Equality or Hospitality for Table Manners

案例：

Lin Hua has accompanied an American delegation to visit China. They have experienced the hospitality of the Chinese people. After returning to America, Linhua once visited them. They were so glad to meet again. Linhua offered to host the meal, but they refused. They ordered their own dish, and Linhua ordered her own. When footing the bill, they only paid their part，and no one wanted to pay for Linhua. Linhua found them so inhospitable, though she knew the Americans would usually pay for their own food.

Question: Why did Linhua find them inhospitable?

分析：

1) In China, to show hospitality, people tend to host the meal. And if they cannot do this, they at least will struggle to pay for the guest.

2) In America, people tend to pay for themselves to show equality and independence.

3) Linhua knows this custom, but from a Chinese point of view, she still finds this hard to accept, and feels it a little inhospitable.

Case Four:

案例：

I have an American friend. I have invited him several times, and at long last he invited me to his home one day. He told me to get there at 3 p m. I thought we could chat and have a meal together. I gave him a Chinese calendar, a woman’s scarf and a bottle of Chinese white wine. He only took out a dish of nuts, a plate of bread and a bottle of wine. After two hours’ chat, I found there was no hint of a meal and said good-bye to him. He only gave me a box of chocolate as a present for the New Year. After I got home, I found the box already been opened. I was very surprised,

Question: What surprised me?

分析：

1) In China, a visit to home always includes a meal. And the guest always brings a relatively expensive present to the host. And the present should be well wrapped or untouched.

2) In the west, a visit to home only means a meeting, not necessarily including a meal. And the present is treated not as importantly as it is in China.

3) I acted in a way that was based on Chinese customs, so I felt the American way was very interesting (unusual).

Case Five: Way of Entertaining Guests in China ---- Drink more and more

案例：

Tom, an American, went to a Chinese home for the first time. He was offered some tea. Just when the first cup was about to finish, more tea was added. He drank the second cup. Then the cup was filled the third time. Then he drank it, then ⋯ until he was quite full. Tom was totally confused by the way of entertaining.

Question: Why was Tom totally confused?

分析：

1) Traditional Chinese custom requires that during the course of entertaining, the host has to always pour more wine or tea to the guest’s glass or cup, and always adds more food to the guest’s plate or bowl without asking whether it’s wanted.

2) Chinese guests know how to respond to this type of hospitality. They simply leave the wine, tea, or food in the container and stop having any more. But Tom, the American guest in the case didn’t know this.

3) He followed the politeness rule of his culture: it’s not good manners to leave food in one’s own plate at a dinner table. Therefore, without any knowledge of the differences between the two cultures, an American guest would very likely suffer from either drinking or eating too much in such a situation.

Case Six

As a foreign student at the University of Wisconsin in Madison, Keiko Ihara (Japanese) was on a strict budget. She had all her tuition and books paid for by scholarships and grants and until recently was comfortably housed in the dormitory. Wanting to live in the community rather than in the dormitory, she found a small apartment to share with a friend. Her college friends, knowing of her situation, offered to round up some of the necessary items for apartment living. Keiko politely declined, saying she could manage. Wanting to help out her friends found some old but still usable household appliances and furniture. Mary had an old desk that was in her garage. Ed had some chairs from his uncle, and Joe and Marion had a few extra dishes. They cheerfully brought them over one day. Keiko seemed very embarrassed, but gracefully accepted them, sincerely and profusely thanked them.

The following week they were each presented with a gift from Keiko. Mary got an ornate jewelry box, Ed a volume of woodcuts by a famous Japanese artist, and Joe and Marion a beautiful Japanese vase, all of which were of considerable worth and value, much more than the old things they had donated to her. They all protested that she could not afford to give such elaborate gifts; they really expected nothing as the household items were not really being used and they would rather have her use them. Keiko, however, insisted that they take the gifts. In the end, they accepted the gifts, although they all felt uncomfortable as they knew she was really sacrificing to give them.

Questions:

1. What do you think of Keiko insisting on giving valuable gifts to her college friends?

2. Why did Keiko’s friends feel very uncomfortable when they received valuable gifts in return?

分析：

Keiko insists on giving valuable gifts to her college friends, because in countries like Japan, exchanging gifts is a strongly rooted social tradition. Should you receive a gift, and don’t have one to offer in return, you will probably create a crisis. If not as serious as a crisis, one who doesn’t offer a gift in return may be considered rude or impolite. Therefore, in Japan, gifts are a symbolic way to show appreciation, respect, gratitude and further relationship.

Keiko obviously has taken those used items from Mary, Ed and Marion as gifts, for she probably doesn’t know that Americans frequently donate their used household items to church or to the community. Mary, Ed and Marion would never consider those used household items given to Keiko as gifts. No wonder they felt very uncomfortable when they received valuable gifts in return.

Case Seven

Selma, who is from the US, is in a student exchange program in Indonesia. One day, she was asked to attend a birthday party and she was delighted, for she was curious to know what an Indonesian birthday party was like. To her surprise, she was the only one that dressed in typically Western clothes. Although she had no strong reason to become uneasy, her uneasy feeling prevailed as the party was going on. To make herself feel better, she went to the food table and began to help herself. But, upon leaving the table, she tripped on the leg of a chair and spilled her drink on the floor. One of the girls stooped down to mop up the spill and everyone else laughed out loud. Selma, uncertain what to do next, quietly moved out of her way with her head lowered in shame.

Questions:

3. What functions does laughing serve in similar situations in China?

4. What should we do to help ourselves or other people out of embarrassment caused by cultural differences in laughing?

分析：

Just like smile, laughing does not always serve the same function in different cultures. Interestingly, for us Chinese, laughing often has a special function on some tense social occasions. People may laugh to release the tension or embarrassment, to express their concern about you, their intention to put you at ease or to help you come out of the embarrassment. In this case, the people there were actually wishing to laugh with the American rather than laugh at her. Their laughing seemed to convey a number of messages: don‘t take it so seriously; laugh it off, it‘s nothing; such things can happen to any of us, etc. Unfortunately the American was unaware of this. She thought they were laughing at her, which made her feel more badly and angry, for in her culture laughing on such an occasion would be interpreted as an insulting response, humiliating and negative.